epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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