Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
