well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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