The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize