i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
