Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
