brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
