This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
