the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
