Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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