chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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