I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
