Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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