if i can run in heels then i can drive
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
