That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
