I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
