the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize