My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize