Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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