I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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