She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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