He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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