somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize