i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
