We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
