Having a random hookup so left but love u
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
