don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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