Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
