You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
