Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
