You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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