My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
