Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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