You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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