They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
