i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Randomize
