I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
