If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
