I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
