I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
