Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
