My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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