i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
