forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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