Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
