Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
