but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
