i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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