Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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