booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
