Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
