Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize