I checked into jail on foursquare
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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