What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize