you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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