made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
