Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
