dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I have fence marks all over my body
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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