We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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