Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
