I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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