you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize