I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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