My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
