some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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