i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
