There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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