I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
