Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
