I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize