So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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