How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
