Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
