just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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