He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
