Dude my mom stole all your condoms
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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