he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
