talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
